The biggest test yet has now been passed.
It was my sisters wedding this weekend. The event of the year, a big glamorous wedding in a medieval castle in Cheshire. A fairytale setting.
After a stressful morning and journey to the castle, We arrived a couple of hours early. The rest of the groomsmen were all ready, tweed suited and booted. Wondering the stone corridors with golden pocket watches and half full tumblers of whiskey in tow.
I immediately got offered a hip flask of some tonic. Which I would have previously quite readily drunk, without questioning its contents. But after politely declining and being met with shock and surprise. The tone for the day was set.
What a day.
It was beautiful. The whole day was fantastic.
I didn’t even want a drink. In fact I was revelling in not drinking. In toasting with water.
I was enjoying the wedding. Enjoying the different parts of the day. Enjoying the fact that I knew I would remember it all. And I knew I wouldn’t make a dick of myself.
A fellow usher told me it made him feel uncomfortable that I wasn’t drinking. And asked how we could have any ‘deep and meaningful conversations’. Which humoured me a lot, and I replied, that I didn’t actually remember any of our previous deep n meaningfuls.
I just felt myself all day. I felt proud of my sister and my whole family. I felt warm and connected to all my loved ones and it was probably the best wedding I can ever remember.
I honestly think that it would have turned into just another vague memory, tainted by shame and anxiety if I had been drinking. And I’m certain that I would have spent an absolute fortune in comparison to the two lemonades that I splashed out on, in between waters.
Ruth had a drink, but she has always had the capacity that I don’t have. The capacity to put down the wine glass. It still confuses me. She had a good time and I expect that partly that’s because she felt safe to relax, as much as Harrison would let us. It’s never easy with a 1 year old baby.
I still danced (Ellie sax 🎷 live – epic), still laughed, caught up with old friends, went to bed at a decent hour, and woke up fresh as a daisy.
Overall it was a stunning day and some fantastic memories. Memories that I know I wouldn’t be able to hold onto if I had been drinking.
Onwards and upwards.