Do you ever have one of them moments when years of your life just fly by in your mind in an instant, you are deep in your own mind thinking about the past, remembering memories, re-feeling moments that shaped today and drifting off into what ifs and how comes? Then the present moment calls out loud, and you come hurtling out of your daydream into the reality of NOW. The present moment.
You are sat on a cold wet men’s changing room floor with a 3 month old baby in front of you screaming and trying to squeeze him into his first pair of swimming trunks.
And the reality of the new life kicks in!
Well, yeah had one of them moments today.
I was thinking about life before, it was hazy, Sunday mornings did not really exist in the old life. Then drifting to the announcement of the pregnancy, it was all a bit surreal. Like it was happening but I was viewing it in 3rd person. I probably was. The shadow version of myself.
The nine months of pregnancy and moving house and setting up a new home, nursery et al. All of this was just a blink of an eye, experienced through the bottom of a wine bottle.
Then the trauma of the birth, the energy sapping 2.5 days of labour and then the week in hospital afterwards. Couldn’t wait for a drink to celebrate.
Finally getting him home and having him in the new house. Sat down watching football and finally relaxing. It’s all over now. Time to crack a can open.
Not even slightly!
its only the warm up, it’s just beginning.
Then I snapped back to the now! There he was in front of me, expectant, disgruntled, cold and confused. Where was we?what were we doing? This wasn’t home. And why are you trying to squeeze my legs into a rubber band! I imagined him thinking.
I was about to take our son for his first swimming lesson with ‘waterbabies’ on a Sunday morning. I felt good. I had exercised already and I was fresh. Sober now for 8 weeks. The past flew by in my mind and snapped to the reality of now with a bit of pride. I wasn’t embarrassed by him screaming on the changing room floor. I was proud I was there and up and prepared to be active, with a clear mind on a Sunday morning.
I got him into the pool with the nine other mums, dads and infants. We bounced around and sang nursery rhymes. It felt a bit uncomfortable to be honest but it doesn’t matter, it’s not about me. It’s about him. He will always come first now. I can’t put him first and give him my best if I’m hungover.
So again, my reasons are reinforced. With every smile he flashes at me, every moment of clarity and every development I witness, it makes the challenge of the year so much easier to bear 🙂
onwards and upwards 🙂