Managed to take myself out for a run this morning. 0600, pounding the streets. It was foggy and cold, but not freezing. Good weather for running actually. Did a new route, only 3 miles (it felt longer). Felt good to get out and move the body so early. But I still felt very heavy!
Anyway, with an average pace/mile of 08:22 I’ve knocked 38seconds/mile off my pace on Saturday. Ok it’s over a shorter distance but My splits are usually faster on my final mile anyway.
Its not groundbreaking, but it’s progress. And I think it’s quite a big margin considering the only thing that has changed is that I’ve stopped drinking and am eating better.
It will be interesting on Sunday to measure all my body composition stats again. I’m going to measure them every 2 weeks to track progress and keep on track. I know that I definitely Feel better. But thats unmeasurable, and I want some facts.
Overall I feel ok. I’m up and down, tired and fresh, happy and melancholy. I’ve had a couple of urges for drinking. But nothing in the moment. Mainly when my mind drifts off and I visualise being in a pub, or out at a restaurant and enjoying being social. We are just conditioned to associate social events with alcohol.
I’m managing to get by on countering the thinking (when I catch it) with a clearer vision. A vision of clarity in the event, of sharper humour, deeper, more meaningful conversations, that will be remembered. The opportunity to start connecting on a more mature ‘human level, rather than in a haze with shadow self taking over.
This year for me is a journey to authenticity. That’s my sole, real goal. To find out who I am without alcohol. I want my son to grow up with a responsible role model as a father. Not a pissed up, incoherent, self righteous Peter Pan.
I wont allow it.
Onwards and upwards 🙂